I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
