and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She told me I should be a condom model.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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