guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
