Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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