maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize