you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
