I wish I could teleport
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
