My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
