like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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