They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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