you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
