I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
where am i from again
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Randomize
