My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
