I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
