When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
