I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
