I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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