Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.