If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.