We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you will always have a special place in my vag
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?