It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
