I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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