so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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