we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
