Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
