it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
