Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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