He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
