Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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