and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Randomize
