apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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