I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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