he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
