how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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