I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
