I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Randomize
