he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
