He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
