I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
