My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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