Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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