just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
