I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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