Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Ladies don't puke and tell
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
