You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
