I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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