She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
