If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
