i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
