just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
