he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
