I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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