twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
