i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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