Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
