It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
