Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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