you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
