Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
