White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
