Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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