just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
