I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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