I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
