Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he shaved USA in his pubs
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
