Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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