saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
