I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
