I wish I could punch you in the face.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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