Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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