the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
