Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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