i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
