I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
